An important exclamation point in an otherwise foundational set of observations, well beyond the cliche but nonetheless critical -- "How children spell love: T I M E". THANK YOU for these words -- a reminder and a warning. And not just logging minutes of being present, it is BEING PRESENT - as a former Homeschool Dad from the 1980's, I was constantly amazed by the questions people asked or the remarks made -- "How did you get 3 well-behaved children -- you are SO LUCKY!" Or people marveling at their maturity, inquisitiveness (especially at art galleries and field trips into the wild, or arranged visits to moving bridges or car assembly plants). Or to see a group of Homeschoolers at a skating session rushing to help a peer who had fallen (versus the usual badgering and laughing by some of their Publicly Schooled peers. But mostly, it was a DELIGHT (they all still are!) to converse with them, to listen and to speak with them (some of my conversations with my adult daughter, who has 4 children she's now Homeschooling can last 2+ hours and they are wondrous experiences -- no subject is taboo, even when we don't always agree). We are so careful to "invest" in ourselves, our financial futures, our choice of neighborhoods and vehicles -- the kind of designer coffee we imbibe, etc. But the single most significant contribution we will likely make to society (to those who people society) is releasing our progeny into a world that is more rapidly than ever becoming self-absorbed, valueless, unable to critically think and act -- of mindless, soulless cogs in a machine that institutionalizes them when they're least suited to it, and then do not hesitate to return the favor when we're older and in ned of care. There is an inestimable return for the wise investment in thoughtful, deliberate offspring who have embraced life and are unwilling to simply succumb.
I absolutely love this, Richard. "You're so lucky" indeed! The luck is having the wisdom you do. I loved reading this, all of which resonates with me. Thank you!
It makes me cringe too, when I see a mother with mobile phone behind months old babe head.
When I have my girls, I make sure I don't read phone till they're in bed.
Out bush the kids don't have allergies at all, I use to think it was the exposure to animals, that helped. Now I'm thinking it's the fresh air, not as many toxins for the immune system to be compromised.
I've kinda done first hand experiments with filtering the house air under positive pressure and removing wifi and phones. It works stops the kids from coughing at night.
Lovely read, and I’m in agreement with everything you so lovingly point out. I’m a primary teacher and it pains me greatly to see how social media devices have sucked out almost everything that we deem precious in children. It’s been very hard to convince many parents of what I believe are irreversible harms set upon the next generation. In my own small way, I teach without those distractions and focus on lively discussions and joyful banter. And encourage the questions to keep flowing. God help those children who have grown up with a permanent phone in their hands. My own children grew up without a TV , no video games and no Nintendos or other useless junk. They were the exception to many of their peers when it came to following the crowd, especially during the last four years. Sharing your post.. I feel exactly the same as you do… it’s tragic!!
"boredom enveloped the body like over-proofed dough, and siblings reached through the stickiness to tug at each other and squabble and squeal" Hahaha! So well written and thoughtful, Anais.
I've been consciously training myself to say "giving attention" rather than paying, as if it's a transaction. I think that attention is love, and always a gift. One that we're squandering on impersonal entertainments. I agree with everything you say and yet see this as something that's being done to us, not a choice. Those corporate women whose kids don't know how to make eye-contact would lose their houses if they gave up one of their family incomes--or they may be the only income. It shouldn't be that way and it doesn't need to be that way. Women's liberation should have liberated the labor of men to also serve the family and community, not forced women to also serve the profits of the rich with their labor.
One last thought, I've wondered if autism is being intentionally inflicted by both 'nature'--if vaccines can be called that--and nurture. We are empathy deprived. And that makes us much, much easier to control as cogs in an extraction machine.
Thank you for your lovely words, Tereza, and I completely agree. The feminist movement was not actually about the empowerment of women as mothers. (Do you know the writer/intellectual, Mary Harrington? She's wonderful.) And regarding empathy, yes! I suppose humanity has always suffered from a lack of it, but I agree that there is an extra lack of empathy in our society today. Or perhaps an acceptance of its lack?
Yes, Mary Harrington is wonderful! I wrote about her in one of my episodes, I think in the series on Tonic Masculinity, which I define as a world that puts children at the center, surrounded by women, surrounded by men. Thanks for reminding me about her!
Excellent! Yes, raising a child is about unfiltered, unscreened, raw, direct interaction. Another result of early and regular interaction with various devices is obsession with video game in which the player stalks, chases, hides, tricks, captures, blows up, kills, and more to win, to get points, to rise in the rankings. I’ve been told it can make a young man feel more in control or powerful. Heaven help us.
I'm afraid I also find that kind of obsession with video games rather warped. If boys are going to engage in pretend fights, they should be engaging the imagination, which would still give them a sense of power, but a more realistic one.
Oh, heavens, yes, very well observed. It's a tragedy, but I hope enough of us are working to pull us out of it... And thank you for your kind words! There's definitely a lot of hilarious creativity in the children who have inspired this piece!
An important exclamation point in an otherwise foundational set of observations, well beyond the cliche but nonetheless critical -- "How children spell love: T I M E". THANK YOU for these words -- a reminder and a warning. And not just logging minutes of being present, it is BEING PRESENT - as a former Homeschool Dad from the 1980's, I was constantly amazed by the questions people asked or the remarks made -- "How did you get 3 well-behaved children -- you are SO LUCKY!" Or people marveling at their maturity, inquisitiveness (especially at art galleries and field trips into the wild, or arranged visits to moving bridges or car assembly plants). Or to see a group of Homeschoolers at a skating session rushing to help a peer who had fallen (versus the usual badgering and laughing by some of their Publicly Schooled peers. But mostly, it was a DELIGHT (they all still are!) to converse with them, to listen and to speak with them (some of my conversations with my adult daughter, who has 4 children she's now Homeschooling can last 2+ hours and they are wondrous experiences -- no subject is taboo, even when we don't always agree). We are so careful to "invest" in ourselves, our financial futures, our choice of neighborhoods and vehicles -- the kind of designer coffee we imbibe, etc. But the single most significant contribution we will likely make to society (to those who people society) is releasing our progeny into a world that is more rapidly than ever becoming self-absorbed, valueless, unable to critically think and act -- of mindless, soulless cogs in a machine that institutionalizes them when they're least suited to it, and then do not hesitate to return the favor when we're older and in ned of care. There is an inestimable return for the wise investment in thoughtful, deliberate offspring who have embraced life and are unwilling to simply succumb.
I absolutely love this, Richard. "You're so lucky" indeed! The luck is having the wisdom you do. I loved reading this, all of which resonates with me. Thank you!
Thank you for saying this out loud and for saying it so well. 💚
Thank you for such an important message. I wish that people will learn from the great example you set for them.
It makes me cringe too, when I see a mother with mobile phone behind months old babe head.
When I have my girls, I make sure I don't read phone till they're in bed.
Out bush the kids don't have allergies at all, I use to think it was the exposure to animals, that helped. Now I'm thinking it's the fresh air, not as many toxins for the immune system to be compromised.
I've kinda done first hand experiments with filtering the house air under positive pressure and removing wifi and phones. It works stops the kids from coughing at night.
I love it. Wise and intuitive parenting.
Lovely read, and I’m in agreement with everything you so lovingly point out. I’m a primary teacher and it pains me greatly to see how social media devices have sucked out almost everything that we deem precious in children. It’s been very hard to convince many parents of what I believe are irreversible harms set upon the next generation. In my own small way, I teach without those distractions and focus on lively discussions and joyful banter. And encourage the questions to keep flowing. God help those children who have grown up with a permanent phone in their hands. My own children grew up without a TV , no video games and no Nintendos or other useless junk. They were the exception to many of their peers when it came to following the crowd, especially during the last four years. Sharing your post.. I feel exactly the same as you do… it’s tragic!!
Thank you so much for this, Eileen, and I'm so, so grateful there are teachers like you. And parents!
"boredom enveloped the body like over-proofed dough, and siblings reached through the stickiness to tug at each other and squabble and squeal" Hahaha! So well written and thoughtful, Anais.
I've been consciously training myself to say "giving attention" rather than paying, as if it's a transaction. I think that attention is love, and always a gift. One that we're squandering on impersonal entertainments. I agree with everything you say and yet see this as something that's being done to us, not a choice. Those corporate women whose kids don't know how to make eye-contact would lose their houses if they gave up one of their family incomes--or they may be the only income. It shouldn't be that way and it doesn't need to be that way. Women's liberation should have liberated the labor of men to also serve the family and community, not forced women to also serve the profits of the rich with their labor.
One last thought, I've wondered if autism is being intentionally inflicted by both 'nature'--if vaccines can be called that--and nurture. We are empathy deprived. And that makes us much, much easier to control as cogs in an extraction machine.
Thanks for this beautiful article!
Thank you for your lovely words, Tereza, and I completely agree. The feminist movement was not actually about the empowerment of women as mothers. (Do you know the writer/intellectual, Mary Harrington? She's wonderful.) And regarding empathy, yes! I suppose humanity has always suffered from a lack of it, but I agree that there is an extra lack of empathy in our society today. Or perhaps an acceptance of its lack?
Yes, Mary Harrington is wonderful! I wrote about her in one of my episodes, I think in the series on Tonic Masculinity, which I define as a world that puts children at the center, surrounded by women, surrounded by men. Thanks for reminding me about her!
Thanks for putting this into words.
Excellent! Yes, raising a child is about unfiltered, unscreened, raw, direct interaction. Another result of early and regular interaction with various devices is obsession with video game in which the player stalks, chases, hides, tricks, captures, blows up, kills, and more to win, to get points, to rise in the rankings. I’ve been told it can make a young man feel more in control or powerful. Heaven help us.
I'm afraid I also find that kind of obsession with video games rather warped. If boys are going to engage in pretend fights, they should be engaging the imagination, which would still give them a sense of power, but a more realistic one.
You are so thoughtful and beautiful. Thank you
As you are, my dear. infinitely so.
Oh, heavens, yes, very well observed. It's a tragedy, but I hope enough of us are working to pull us out of it... And thank you for your kind words! There's definitely a lot of hilarious creativity in the children who have inspired this piece!